Angela Merkel Warning Donald Trump to Leave Justin Trudeau Alone at the G7 Summit in June 2018
Following through on yet another whimsical campaign promise, US President-elect Donald Trump announced last week that he would “tariff the crap out of Canada and all those countries that think they are better than MAGA-America”.
Addressing reporters at a press conference on the subject in Mar-a-Lago on Tuesday (November 26, 2024), Trump noted that throughout his first Presidency, multiple “nerdy losers in charge of foreign governments” had “relentlessly mocked” his “crude mannerisms”, his “intellectual deficit”, his “ineptitude for the Presidency” and his “overall philistinism”.
Donald Trump Has Been Frequently Derided by World Leaders
Moreover, after realising that Trump did not comprehend many of the insults levelled against him, the foreign leaders had reportedly resorted to calling Trump a “fatso”, a “weirdo” and a “total perv”.
Recalling the nightmare that he had lived through, a near teary Trump exclaimed in a quivering voice that “the worst part was that soon enough my contractually mandated wife had started publicly eye-banging and groping Trudeau; and as if that wasn’t bad enough, one day, I was shown a video recording of my lifelong forbidden love, Ivanka, swooning over Trudeau and clearly harbouring for him, the dirty thoughts that I have always wished she would have about me”.
Donald Trump was Devastated to Discover That Not Only Melania but Also Ivanka Had Been Harbouring Aggressively Sexual Fantasies About Trudeau
“I was so enraged that I told Trudeau at the G7 Summit in 2018 that if he didn’t put on at least a hundred pounds (of weight) in one week, I would immediately enforce crippling tariffs on all Canadian goods imported into the US”, Trump continued, ostensibly cheered up a little by the memory of having “scared the shit out of Trudeau” at the time.
“Unfortunately, Trudeau ratted on me to Merkel, who threatened to “beat my bullying ass” if I bothered Trudeau again - so I had to let it go! But Merkel is gone now and Scholz couldn’t even dream about having her balls! No one will save Trudeau this time around.”
When questioned about why he had decided to impose tariffs on the other nations as well, Trump clarified that the turmoil that the tariffs would spell for their economy was likely to make the leaders of those countries just as unpopular as he anticipated to be during his second Presidency. This, Trump reasoned, would not only generally make him look better by comparison but also give him the opportunity to come across as the alpha male when the foreign leaders act obsequiously toward him to win his favour. Moreover, Trump opined that everyone worldwide would “celebrate” him when he finally withdrew the tariffs.
